THE FLIP SIDE OR IN DEFENSE OF FLIRTING
Call it good timing, bad timing or just meant to be but the other day after I posted Misery Loves Misery where I was saying if you are living a life where you are miserable then you should walk ~ a situation arose where I spent three hours convincing someone not to leave their marriage.
I think some people interpreted that I was endorsing people to leave at the hint of conflict. Far, far from the truth; there is a big difference between being totally miserable and being slightly peeved.
Miserable translates into you hate your life. You spend your time sleeping, avoiding and hiding out. Peeved we all get from time to time. I’m all for trying to work it out, walking comes when there is no way.
So anyway, while I was approving comments on the other blog the phone rang and a girlfriend was in tears; she was walking. It had nothing to do with posting, as she had not read it. Through the tears I could make out “marriage over, texting, and other woman.”
Despite the fact I was still in my workout clothes I told her to meet me for coffee.
Long story, or old story or by now very familiar story, my friend had picked up her husband’s iPhone and seen some texts from an old flame that seemed moderately flirty. Based on this she was kicking him out. I spent the next two hours convincing her why she shouldn’t.
She loved him. They have a great marriage…and hold on just cause some one does a little flirting online does not mean they are part of a bad marriage. He is a great father and husband. She is very happy in her life. There was no reason to end it. He did not sleep with the woman and she was totally over reacting. I don’t think he had even seen her.
But the truth is this is a lame reason to blow up a marriage. People do flirt and it doesn’t mean they don’t love you or you them.
I would say, if you see something on someone’s cell phone or BlackBerry, don’t get too bent out of shape until you get all the facts. Most things are not what they appear. And even if they appear not so great, take your whole life and situation into consideration. One or two emails should not bring down a household.
Two if you are using your device this way, learn to delete. I don’t know how stupid people can be. Unless of course you have nothing to hide, which in this case I think was the case. He hadn’t done anything out of line in any real way, so he felt no reason to delete.
A healthy relationship can withstand a little bit of outside flirting, especially if it’s been going on for many years; the relationship – not the flirting. Benign flirting does not indicate misery, it indicates you’re alive.
Dead eyes are the tell tale sign of misery.
So happy to report my friend let her husband back in the house, she took his clothes off the balcony and her life has returned to normal.