SEX, SPORTS AND CHURCHILL
People ask me all the time what it’s like being married to Glenn Horowitz. He’s so smart and he knows so much about so many things, what do you guys talk about at home? I think perhaps the underlying message sometimes is what does he talk to me about.
He is very smart and when I first met him I would be lying if I said I didn’t find it a tad intimidating. Once in the beginning he did refer to me as Alicia Silverstone in Clueless, which sent me out of the room weeping and directly to Crawford and Doyle to buy some Henry James.
But that all quickly passed and I learned over the years that no matter how smart a man may be at the end of the day they love to talk about two things: sex and sports. Not always in that order and in a perfect world for most men (as many a joke plays on) having sex while watching sports is about as good as it gets.
Glenn knows every baseball statistic you can imagine. Now according to him he doesn’t, as he plays some sort of online baseball trivia game every day with a bunch of other competitive, type-A men who when they aren’t making money or while they are making money are trying to type in answers to obscure trivia questions as fast as they can. He tells me he loses a lot so I guess he doesn’t know as much as I thought he did. But he knows a lot and he has read I think every book on baseball ever published. Blessedly he does not look to me for baseball conversations as he has so many friends to do that with.
I have found in regards to all intimidating men or men one might find intimidating if you just talk about sex you’re home free. It has gotten me through many a dinner party to the point when my companion kept me at the table when everyone else had dispersed. It is foolproof: when you don’t know what to say to a man start talking about sex, you will have them captivated. I have used this with all sorts of brainiacs and even Nobel Prize winners and it has never let me down.
Along with baseball, World War II, art, all literature, some architecture and the history of most anything Glenn is an authority on Churchill. One book on Churchill actually said that Glenn “had forgotten more about Churchill than most people had ever known.” You can count me on that list. I know a tiny bit now, but only by proximity to Glenn. He also does not expect that from me either as he has fellow Churhchillians to chat with. They all meet up once a year for a dinner to which I’m not invited. My feelings are not hurt.
When we first met he always used to ask me what I was thinking. I was flattered, as my first husband didn’t even know I was in the room half the time. But often times Glenn thought I was pondering far loftier things than I was. Sometimes he would ask me and I would have to respond, “Mascara. I’m thinking about mascara.” And I was. Now most of the time when I get that far off look and he wants to know where my mind has wandered he knows I’m thinking about the blog or my book. Though I still think about mascara and handbags and other things. One will never find me pondering Churchill.
So for those of you who might be Glenn’s friends and or colleagues, or just wondering what Mr. Books talks about when he’s not talking sports, money, or James Joyce, well, you will have to watch this little video to find out.
Oh and don’t forget girls– when in doubt talk about sex. They will talk about Churchill with others if they are so inclined.
P.S. I just went in to read him this post and he was so involved in the basketball playoffs he didn’t look up. Would someone please explain to me what difference it makes if the Celtics or the Lakers win?