WAITING FOR OPRAH
…or as my Facebook friend Shrimani Senay just wrote on my wall “Waiting for Godoprah.” I kind of wanted to just steal it for the title of this piece. I figured it was on my wall so it belonged to me. I wonder what the rules are about that, if it’s on your Facebook Wall is it yours? But the honest part of me could not take credit for something that clever that I did not come up with. Let’s just say I wish I had but I didn’t – Shrimani is really on her game today.
But she is right I am waiting for Godoraph and it feels like it’s taking forever. Which is the point right? Only unlike Godot, Oprah actually has a time line, a shooting schedule and she either tells you to show up or tells you not to show up. The problem is one has to wait quietly until it’s all worked out. So that is what I’m doing– well, maybe not the quietly part.
It started last week with the firestorm of the media blitz around Lucky Ducks. While all the other calls were coming in, my manager called me in Venice and said, “Oprah, we just heard from Oprah.”
Now of course Oprah didn’t call Richard and say “Richie (no one really calls him Richie) what about your clients Tracey and Taylor coming on the show?” Yes, Taylor now has to be represented by Richard as people are hounding her.
No, someone down the food chain in the Oprahverse called and said “We saw the piece in The Post, would you send the DVD?”
Then whoever that was watched it and it gets passed from level to level depending on each level’s response. I don’t know this for a fact, but I have been in this business long enough to know how these things work and that is pretty standard.
Unlike other shows, say Dr. Phil, who just called and said they wanted us on or any of the other press we did, Oprah is a long and winding road, or at least it feels that way.
Especially if you’re us, a little handmade doc, a little homegrown story, we were lucky to get the call. It’s like getting nominated for an Academy Award and not getting it. Everyone says getting nominated is good enough. Nobody means it. You want to get it.
The call was great. We want on the show.
But they need to figure out if we fit, where we fit, and do they have room?
We made several cuts. We are high enough up the Oprah ladder at this moment, as far as I know that we are being seriously considered.
The end of last week someone further up the ladder called my press agent and asked how much more TV we were doing and to please stop all of it until they made up their minds.
Oprah says stop, you stop. We stopped. In fact I had three things set this week and I now have to give my standard answer – “I’m waiting for Oprah.”
We also learned there are only two open slots on the show until she closes down for the season. So that means they have to see who really important is going to turn up; and do we warrant one of those spots?
Obviously if Tom Cruise calls and says, “Hey I want to come back and use your sofa as a trampoline again to talk about how much I really love women” – well, then we are out.
So we wait for Oprah.
But what’s happened is, it hasn’t only drifted into my response to the media, it’s wormed its way into my entire life.
I was booking next week’s manicure yesterday and they said “Do you want a pedicure?” I said, “I think I have to wait and see about Oprah.” Who knows what they thought? Perhaps I am waiting for the next edition of her magazine to come out and see what colors are her favorite picks for spring.
I was making an appointment to meet with the head of Online at my publishing house; I couldn’t commit to a day as every date she suggested my response was “I’m waiting for Oprah, I might have to cancel.”
Allison is in the office trying to book the guys to move the stuff out of Taylor’s dorm and store it. I need to be there. But what if Oprah calls? We’re waiting for Oprah.
I need to come up with a new title for my book as Pat Benatar sort of stole mine. Well, she didn’t steal it and she doesn’t know me; but she is writing a book called Between A Rock And Heart Place. Too close. I need a new title.
But as opposed to sitting down and really putting my brain to work on this, I can’t stop thinking about what happens if Oprah calls and we go on the show, and then we bond?
We could– I’m from Santa Barbara, she has a house there. We could like each other’s shoes, blouse, both drink soy caps, something could ignite the conversation, “I have a book coming out, what title would assure me a spot on your book club?” Could happen. All sorts of wild ideas go through your head while you’re waiting for Oprah.
This morning the first thing Salva said, “You hear from Oprah?”
It’s like when I was dating a guy or had had one date and all my friends asked “Has he called back yet?”
The feeling is similar to the one I used to have when waiting for a guy to call and I had to sit by the phone, the longer I sat the longer I fantasized and the longer I fantasized the more elaborate the relationship that was clearly one sided and only taking place in my imagination became.
This is much like that.
Except Oprah did call which means she might call back.
In the meantime all I can do is wait. I do wish she would hurry. She has no idea how impatient I am. Well, when I meet her maybe I will let her know.